My Ode to a Superhero Sibling

This week I attended a group that is designed for siblings who may have a brother or sister with an additional need.

It was said by one of the facilitators that the sibling may often become the ‘forgotten’ child.

I have one of those and she is my superhero – yet she is the one I often don’t talk about.

But there are lots of things to say about her, I wish I told her them more often.

So, I sat and wrote an ode to her and it went a little like this.

*coughs nervously*

My Ode to a Superhero Sibling

 

You shine golden in my sunset

The bounces in your hair

You’re the air that I breathe

When fate feels so unfair

 

You stand there strong

A heroic warrior of four,

With grace, beauty and intelligence

Who could really ask for more?

 

To be you and just you

A sibling in your own right

With a childhood to live

That’s turned into a fight

 

Too kind and compassionate

Even smile when you’re sad

You keep me going

For that I’m so glad

 

We’re on this journey together

Survivors till the last

I can’t do it without you

Hand in hand we leave the past

 

I want you to let it out

To share how you feel

I’m scared you’ll stop still one day

With no ability to heal

 

Open up as best you can

Scream, kick, cry or shout

Let the mask come off sometime

It’s not healthy to shut it out

 

I sometimes crave the tranquility

Your personality brings

You’re resilience knows no bounds

It exudes through your wings

 

I wish I had more time for you

The times I’ve sat and sobbed

To be a family unit

The chances we had robbed 

 

I forget to smell your presence

To watch the seeds we sowed

Soft as each velvet bud awakes

All the love that you are owed

 

This was my ode to you

My precious super girl

We all need you in our life

Our oyster needs a pearl

 

And so I wrote it, I just didn’t find the time to blog about it.

This week has been difficult with my superhero sibling.

After the session she didn’t talk.

She always talks or smiles or giggles. She said nothing.

She finally broke the silence and asked where her siblings were.

The next day she played up and begged to not go to school. She asked me why I spent all my time on PDA child and not on her.

I broke down in tears to her teacher – a person I’ve never said a word to.

A compassionate and kind lady who just smiles softly to me – her eyes offer empathy and it’s enough to send me over.

Superhero sibling never says anything, she never opens up the teacher told me. She seems to brave it all.

I think she has been unnerved since she started this therapy.

This isn’t the script she knows or is comfortable with.

Today was the one of the most heartfelt moments of my journey so far.

We had a huge overload whilst trying to get ready – I had to make a phone call for help.

I try not to use my SOS card too often.

I barricaded the bathroom to keep the siblings safe from any blows or launched objects.

We all felt scared in the storm, even PDA’er.

When it had calmed Superhero Sibling said to me:

“Mummy, please can I live at Nanny’s house, this house is scary.”

Please mummy … and I can just call you Aunty.”

Tears shed right now as I write about how she feels. My delicate flower.

You more than ever deserve this ode today … how special you really are.

I promise to dedicate more time to you, I can’t allow you to be forgotten.

I love you precious Superhero Sibling x

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4 comments

  1. Ah man, that chokes me up. Its painful to reflect. I remember the very day Biggerbruv asked us if he could go to boarding school wanting to escape PDA sibling life. Its slowly changing. What we have to remind ourselves is that we are parents who care. We notice our failings and we strive to improve things. Some kiddos are not blessed with this fortune. We can change things if we choose. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about the forgotten ones. Although we know, they’ve never truly been forgotten, our lives create circumstances that mean they can so easily be overlooked. This has been my gentle reminder to check in on my efforts to meet my neurotypical child’s needs as well as those of my PDA’er. Be thankful your superhero is not yet a stroppy hormonal teen!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah this is really tough. You know I’ve always worried about the sibling and wanted to make sure they are given consideration too. She is still young and hopefully as she grows older her understanding of everything will improve, but I know that doesn’t help much now. Our sibling did a course once for children who are carers but they didn’t so much focus on that, more on developing self-esteem and confidence. Maybe something like that could help more? x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the comment – yes I definitely think she would benefit from more of this. The team behind it are using a great therapeutic approach to the sessions. I’m sure it must be so tough for your sibling too xx

      Like

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