Parental Blame & the PDA Profile of Autism

If you’ve ever been told it’s “just bad parenting” — you’re not alone. In the world of PDA and autism, blame often lands on parents who are already exhausted, misunderstood, and searching for answers.

This page explores why **blame is common** in PDA, how it harms families, and how we can shift to understanding, empathy, and healing. Because when we stop blaming, we start seeing.

Why Parental Blame Follows PDA

In many communities, professionals, and social narratives, **behaviour is interpreted as choice**. When a child resists, “who’s at fault?” becomes the default question. For PDA and autism, where every refusal is steeped in anxiety, sensory overwhelm, and fear, this blaming narrative does real damage.

The Harm of Blame on Families

• Guilt, shame, and self-doubt that erode parental confidence
• Breakdown of trust in professionals and support networks
• Increased anxiety and isolation for the whole family
• Disincentive to seek help or be honest about struggles

Reframing the Conversation: From Blame to Understanding

Instead of asking *“Why won’t they comply?”*, we can ask *“What’s breaking down here?”*. Approaches that rely on blame—reward systems, punitive consequences, “behavior charts”—only deepen anxiety in PDA profiles. What helps instead:

• Validating emotion before expectation
• Questioning *who holds the power* in daily interactions
• Lowering invisible demands (tone, timing, body language)
• Using connection, predictability, and choice as foundations

Making Change: Conversations that Heal

In my years of supporting PDA families, the most transformative shift happens when a parent hears: *“I see you, I believe you, I’m with you.”* That simple shift in language and posture can begin to untangle layers of blame, shame, and defensiveness.

Related Resources

• PDA & Autism Parenting Guide
• Distressed Behaviours
• Webinars & Training
• All Articles

New Research on Parental Blame

In 2022, a large-scale survey of 1,016 parent-carers of autistic children with PDA was conducted via Alice Running and Danielle Jata-Hall. The aim: to understand how common professional blame is, who is most vulnerable to it, and how it shapes family life.

Key Findings

• 87.8% of respondents said they had felt blamed by professionals for some aspect of their child’s autistic-PDA presentation or “lack of progress.”
• 111 families (10.93%) reported they had been subjected to formal safeguarding procedures in which the parent-carer was held responsible for their child’s difficulties.
• Of those 111 families:
  • 57.66% were headed by a lone mother
  • 76.57% had a neurodivergent parent(s)
  • 68.46% had a child with an official (NHS) diagnosis of autism

In qualitative responses, many parent-carers described devastating emotional impact, broken trust in professionals, and barriers accessing disability support.

What This Research Tells Us

1. Parental blame is widespread, not isolated. Nearly 9 in 10 respondents have experienced it.
2. Safeguarding actions against parents for child behaviour are not rare — they disproportionately affect lone parents and neurodivergent parents.
3. The system often harms the advocate. The very systems meant to protect children can inflict trauma on their families.
4. Diagnosis doesn’t prevent blame. Even families with an accepted autism diagnosis were not protected from being blamed for their child’s PDA-based behaviour.
5. Professional awareness is urgently needed. The number and severity of these reports signal that many in education, social care, and health still lack understanding of PDA profiles.

What PDA Parenting Has Done With These Insights

From this data, we have responded by:

• Developing language and reframing guides to help parents counter blame in meetings and reports
• Creating awareness-raising webinars for professionals to challenge blaming mindsets
• Producing autistic-led training for professionals
• Advocating for trauma-informed, PDA-aware practices in schools, health, and social services

These are not mere responses — they are part of a shift: from suspicion to support, from blame to belief.

Authors: Alice Running and Danielle Jata-Hall

Published: February 2023

               

Alice Running and Danielle Jata-Hall are calling for the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care – Rt. Hon. Steve Barclay, and the Minister for Women and Equalities – Rt. Hon. Kemi Badenoch, to look further into why this is.

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