This is a little bit later than I would have hoped for but I have finally had a chance to read PDA in the Family – by my wonderful friend Steph Curtis – and I am excited to finally review it on my blog.

This resource landed on shelves at the end of January and since its launch it has continued to do the rounds on social media, in support groups and as a topic for Steph to be invited onto podcasts to talk in depth about.

Many of us will know already how Steph’s family is set up (particularly if you follow her award winning blog Steph’s Two Girls) but for anyone new to her world then she is a mum to two girls; her youngest daughter Sasha was diagnosed at two years old with autism. She started a blog about the family as a unit as she assumed early on, and quite rightly, that the diagnosis would impact both of her daughters. This was not only a means to spread awareness but for Steph, in the early days, she describes it providing her with ‘free therapy’ as she journaled her experiences online.

Steph charts their entire journey – from when Sasha entered the world as a baby – until we reach present day. She maps the challenges that they have faced along the way, the process of the diagnosis and how she soon discovered another layer that made sense when she had the lightbulb moment of discovering Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). She covers topics such as anxiety and mental health, friends, family and sibling relationships, what works for their family and what the educational years have looked like. Steph also details what happens when educational placements breakdown and provides information on how she moved, through the legal frameworks, to fight for more specialist provisions.

It’s not plain sailing even though they they were fortunate to have an early diagnosis.

This book will resonate with parents and professionals alike because there are so many moments when things feel like they could be going well, when we have hope that those around Sasha can understand and support her, but they are interrupted with the utter frustration of living in a world where PDA is still so misunderstood.

I wanted to shout out whilst reading PDA in the Family – those deeply-angered feelings of utter frustration for Sasha and her family because they were let down time and time again – when all it would have taken perhaps was a little bit of flexibility and compassion.

Then there were times that I laughed out loud at the humour that is conveyed when Steph is able to capture Sasha’s raw and witty observations of the world and the situations she finds herself in. The essence of the PDA profile that shines through with such energy that if you know a PDA’er in your life then you may well love Sasha’s dry remarks and her ability to see the world with a different lens.

The book is broken up into sections which are then summarised with useful information and advice for others along their own journeys. It made me think about how much I could have used this as a guide in those early days for my family and how I would have had such validation reading Steph’s words.

I can’t write a review without discussing the chapter which is written by Chris (who is Sasha’s father and husband to Steph) which is titled ‘Life as a Dud.’ Reading words from a father’s point of view made me very emotional as they had the fine balance of humour to interject the struggles a dad can have. The pun of the word ‘dud’ which Sasha nicknames her dad is both funny and sad at the same time. Chris captures beautifully the challenge of having a child who is so anxious that they hyper fixate into attaching on to one parent more than the other and how that can make him feel. It is something that certainly was familiar in my own household and I have heard relayed from other families too. Chris admits the feelings many of us feel but might be too scared to admit openly in circles where parental perspectives are not always viewed objectively. We are all human and we may go through a range of emotional states until we reach radical acceptance and adopt more neuroaffirming language and shifts in thought patterns.

There is a fine balance in the book to show the realities of adjusting to a life that is not as you expected it to be, which is not always easy on every member, but that is essential for the overall wellbeing of living in a PDA household. There is warmth, love and sincerity that is in abundance throughout the book but with a sense of reality – it certainly isn’t sugar coated. There are feelings to overcome and sometimes that can feel uncomfortable to read but is needed to show the journey parents can go on to adapt uniquely to a new way of being.

Steph has put the time into this book to cover as many aspects as possible and I think this will really help all of the future families to come.

I’m so pleased that Steph has poured her time and commitment into writing a book because it was so well needed. She has always been at the frontline of leading conversations on PDA and autism and she was the first blog I ever found back in 2016. I have been following her work for so long and she has had a huge influence on me as a friend and a fellow advocate in the community.

I also have some exciting news to share!!!

If you head over to our Facebook and/or Instagram page today then we have a GIVEAWAY copy of Steph’s book which is on offer. Details on how to get a copy will be up on the post today.

So on that note I will shout the biggest congratulations to Steph on the success of this book and I look forward to all of the things that she works on next whilst thanking her for being a pillar of support to our community.

With love,

Danielle x